During a mostly quiet afternoon, the most interesting thing to happen on campus since the silverware incident intruded its way into the lives of students and alumni alike.
Students who don’t check their emails will probably never bother again due to a flaw in the new email system. It is now possible to use “Reply All” on emails sent to the entire campus. Phones buzzing and notification ringtones were heard round the plaza as the entire student and faculty mailing list was set ablaze with tired memes and fabricated “campus news” twitter sources.
From what started as an innocent plea stating,
“This is an advisory email to please avoid hitting “Reply All” to campus-wide emails.”
eventually turned into cries for help including,
“PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS EMAIL STRING!!!”
and
“This has veered wildly from ‘moderately amusing’ into ‘STAHP. PLEASE STAHP.’”
The most powerful words spoken in this email onslaught were
“Why am I getting this?”
In a truly unsurprising turn of events, someone took the liberty of using this newfound platform to propose to his girlfriend using. Getting ahead of #RBS (ring by spring) and hoping the wide audience will lower his chances of rejection, the email said
“Ever since I saw you cut the head off that chicken at Cedar Bend, I knew you were the one I want to pursue life with. (Name withheld), will you marry me?”
The email, soon deleted, was both moving and pathetic in the eyes of the SAU campus.
This incident has undoubtedly inspired people working at IT to get off Reddit and see what they can do to fix this, but until then, the epidemic shall continue.
#SAUFlatline
By Nate Bortz
Wish I’d thought to do that! Good thing I’m married already I guess. Excellent piece of editorial work.
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